A man learns how to cuddle a baby at the "men's morals" class in Beijing. (Photo/Courtesy of Fang Gang)
A sexology professor on a crusade to push gender equality and improve relationships in China held a three-day class last week to train men to be better partners. The boyfriends, husbands and fathers discussed topics like pregnancy, taking care of the home, their own relationship with their fathers, domestic violence and even some new techniques for the bedroom. While this project is in line with government policy on gender equality, in a country where traditional attitudes to relationships are common there's still a long way to go.
"It's part of your body now, you should treat it with love, talk to it," the teacher told his students.
Li Dan (pseudonym) looked down at his bulging abdomen. Under his orange shirt, a basketball was tightly strapped to his body with bandages. Li, 31, held it up with one hand, caressed the top with another, and started to softly sing "twinkle twinkle little star" to his imaginary baby.
Three other men stood in a circle with Li, who works at an environmental protection company in Jiangsu Province. As soon as the balls were strapped on them, they all instantly became more maternal. One even walked with smaller footsteps, with one hand held out in front of him and the other hand on his back, as if he were having to deal with the weight of a real baby.
Later, they were handed plastic babies, which they clumsily grasped in their hands. They were to complete the task of bathing, powdering and changing the doll's diaper.
Li's son is almost 4 years old, but Li hasn't spent much time taking care of him. He was often impatient with the baby, as he was with the mother. But he hopes to start changing that now, which is why he attended a three-day "men's morals" class last week, in the innermost room of a teahouse in Beijing's Haidian district.
The class was organized by Fang Gang, sexology professor at Beijing Forestry University and founder of China White Ribbon, a grassroots organization that tries to increase male participation in the fight for gender equality.
About 20 students and teachers came to the inaugural class. Among them, 14 were local division group leaders of White Ribbon and two men that signed up to learn how to be "good husbands and fathers."
Their own agenda
Li looked forward to the class for a long time. He has been separated from his wife for a year now because of the violence in their relationship. While they were together, he repeatedly beat her.
He first laid his hands on his partner about four years ago, when she was six months pregnant with their son. He vaguely remembers what sparked his temper, just recalling that it was something like his wife wanted him to hand over his bank cards.
When Li heard her request, he suddenly felt furious. Without thinking, he raised his foot and kicked his wife.
Afterwards, his wife said she would go to the village's women's rights committee, but in reality she didn't tell anybody, not even her own parents, because she was afraid of what people might say. In fact, when she finally said something to her parents when Li beat her up again, her parents, while angry at Li, also said to her, "It must've been something you said. Why would he hit you for no reason?"
Over time, the violence in Li's household became more and more common. Any small thing seemed to trigger his rage. Sometimes he beat his wife once every week.
In 2014, Li's wife applied for a divorce. When Li received the court's subpoena, he started panicking and regretting his actions. He started looking up information on domestic violence and came across White Ribbon. Based on the group's recommendations, he signed up for the class.
Its not just the perpetrators of domestic violence that have taken these lessons. Wang Ming (pseudonym) took part in the class because of events that cast a shadow over his childhood. When young, he regularly witnessed his father beating his mother.
"They tried to hide it from me, but I could still see it from time to time," Wang said. He hated both his parents for a long time, even though his feelings have softened now, he still doesn't like to talk about his past.
Because he witnessed a destructive relationship at close hand, he is determined to do better with his future family.
A couple of weeks ago, while browsing the Internet, he read an article about the class written by Fang, and he immediately decided to join, even though the three-day class cost him a hefty 4,000 yuan ($630).
"I wanted a change, I didn't want to be [my parents'] kind of person," he said.
