Since China announced an end to its long-standing one-child policy, Vicky, a 26-year-old mother, has been full of worry thinking about the prospect of having a second child.
"I was an only child. I guess I just don't know how to handle two children at once," Vicky says.
Meanwhile, Hua Li, a 31-year-old mother of a 1-year-old, says she still hasn't recovered from having her first child yet.
"I just don't have the energy for a second one," she admits.
While the government's decision to allow couples to have a second child is a huge move for the country, couples aren't exactly dancing in the streets. The most frequently seen word used by parents online is "conflicted." Many moms and dads are beginning to realize that adding a new member to their family is a lot more complicated than just having a sperm fuse with an egg.
Are you ready?
Money is probably the first thing that comes to most parents' minds when considering a second child. Having already spent a ton of money on their first child they are extremely clear about the costs of raising a child, which makes them wonder if they are ready financially for another one.
One considerate netizen has calculated that the total cost of raising a child to 22 years of age in China comes to around 824,000 yuan ($129,500). Whether this is accurate or not, the large cost of raising a child is something parents have to plan for before making up their minds.
According to experts, there is also an additional consideration for mothers, as it's very important to make sure they are healthy both physically and mentally - also taking into consideration their age - before deciding to try for another pregnancy.
"You have to be careful. A woman's health becomes more complicated after a pregnancy, particularly for caesareans," Feng Ying, an author and mother of two kids, warns.
Another key problem: Who is going to watch after the child? While it's pretty much become a tradition in China for grandparents to help take care of their grandbabies, you have to consider whether they will still be up to the task by the time a second child comes along. Without that type of support and lacking money for China's expensive daycare, many women have to consider becoming a stay-at-home mom.
This can be a difficult decision for women who already sacrificed a lot to stay with their first child during those first formative years and are now just getting back into the work force. Many are not quite ready to once again put their careers on hold, or maybe say goodbye to them forever, just for a second child.
The bright side
Of course this doesn't mean there are no solutions to these daunting challenges. For mothers who have resolved to "create" a childhood playmate for their child, looking at the bright side of things can help make things less stressful.
The effects of the one-child policy have become a social phenomenon that cannot be overlooked. Behavior such as being too selfish, too dependent or being unable to deal with adversity is becoming increasingly prominent in children of the one-child policy. For years now, social experts have talked about the disadvantages having one child while also pointing out the advantages that come with growing up with siblings.
"Siblings help strengthen children's ability to deal with life and how to interact with other people," Guan Ying, a researcher with the Tianjin Academy of Social Sciences, wrote in a post on Sina Weibo last year.
"In addition, they develop a better sense of security and belonging with their siblings, while also being more aware of how their behavior impacts others."
Feng, who wrote Time for Two Kids based on her own experiences, shares similar views. An only-child herself, she decided to have another child three years ago because "I didn't want him to grow up alone like I did." But while it is generally regarded as a good thing for children to have siblings, "parents are the ones who have to shoulder the pressure and consequences, so they tend to hesitate. Looking at things more objectively may help," Feng says.
Talking about money, Feng explains that having a second child made her feel far less anxious about their education, which indirectly caused them to save a lot of money.
"With two kids, you aren't so anxious and don't expect so much from them like you might with an only-child. I'd rather they have more freedom to grow and develop their strengths and so don't find it necessary to go to a fancy school. In turn this means I don't have to worry about buying a house just so I can send my kid to a certain high rated school," Feng says.
For mothers, Feng suggests they carefully consider the costs when it comes to their time, energy and career. A psychology major, Feng resigned from her previous job in a HR department after giving birth to her second kid and currently remains a stay-at-home mother and writer.
"But it's been worthwhile. It's important to be around the baby before they reach 3, and it pays off in the long term. If you establish a good foundation for your child, you'll have fewer problems in the future," Feng says.
Living in harmony
While Feng has managed to tackle several of the above-mentioned challenges, she admits that she still has difficulties managing the relationship between her two children.
"My son's frustration is very obvious. He always complains that I carry his little brother around instead of him," Feng says.
Only-children are probably the only people who can truly understand what the second-child policy really means. A funny video that has gone viral online depicts how an only-child's life will be changed by the new policy. The video starts with a baby leaning comfortably back in a mini-sofa, a cigarette in one hand while he gets his feet massaged by his dad. Next, the same baby is seen washing clothes with a scrub board like some industrious maid.
Of course it's important to prepare a child emotionally when they are about to become a big brother or sister.
"First of all, parents need to be able to soothe a child's fears," Guan explains, emphasizing that parents need to prioritize caring for their first child's feelings.
In a blog posted earlier this year, Guan pointed out that it's useless for parents to try and reason with a child about the issue and instead it's important to sympathize with the child's feeling when he or she shows insecurity.
Feng is of the same opinion. According to her, when she first brought the new baby home she tried to explain to him why he shouldn't feel jealous to no avail.
"I realized it was wrong to just push his emotions to the side. I realized that it is as hard for him to accept his brother as it is for a wife to accept her husband bringing home a second wife. So whenever he complains I make sure to hug him as well.
"I take his feelings in stride and try not to worry too much. Luckily, as they grow they are becoming closer and closer together," Feng says.
