The Spring Festival is the key time for Chinese families to get together and the time for some to meet potential in-laws. Recently, an Internet post about a New Year's Eve dinner went viral on Chinese social media. It was posted by a Shanghai girl from a middle-class family who had been dating a boy from a poor village in Jiangxi Province.
The girl went to meet his family in his hometown for the Chinese New Year's Eve dinner but was shocked when she saw the dishes the parents had prepared and the poverty of the dimly lit dining room. She posted a picture of the dinner, saying she was reconsidering the relationship. She stayed for a short time before going straight back to Shanghai after telling the boyfriend it was all over.
For Shanghai people finding the right match for a marriage is a vital step for both the couple and their families and marrying someone from outside the city can prove problematic for a number of reasons. The Global Times took to the street and asked a few citizens how they felt about this girl and her attitude.
Lily, 40, Shanghai
This Shanghai girl is fickle. At best now they can only be friends and not partners because their feelings aren't strong enough. Back in my father's time, couples quarreled, fought and made up but they stayed together all their lives. As long as two people love each other, nothing can part them. These two were just too weak to face the challenges and the trivial things that upset them.
The Shanghai girl doesn't necessarily dislike poor people but she might need time to accept the new situation.
You can't blame Shanghai girls for feeling they are naturally superior and worth more - Shanghai's property prices are much higher than most other cities. Good hardworking men can win the hands of local girls. That's why this city is so great - if someone works hard he can get whatever he desires. This is the approach people from outside the city need to have.
I really don't see the need for non-Shanghainese parents to have to empty their wallets to try match the haughty Shanghainese.
Xiao Lin, 65, Jiangxi
I come from Jiangxi Province and have been married to a Shanghai woman for more than 40 years.
I have worked here since I graduated. I can understand the girl's reaction, but the way she behaved was wrong. Leaving the table during the dinner would have embarrassed her boyfriend's family. And she shouldn't have shared the experience online, and let everyone know about it.
I don't agree with men from other provinces marrying Shanghai women. I can't divorce my wife now, but if I could have, back when we were in our 20s, I wouldn't have stayed with my wife. We do love each other, but she expected me to behave and live like a Shanghai man, and asked me to change my lifestyle and habits. This often made me really angry and uncomfortable.
My wife used to tell me to wear leather shoes and nice clothes when we went out together otherwise she felt she would lose face. She also used to tell me to speak and behave like I was upper class. Shanghai women are also obsessed with the way men behave and I have had to endure this for the past 40 years. I'm tired out now.
Now I am retired I really want to go back to my hometown and live in my house alone - far away from my over-controlling Shanghai wife. I could do whatever I like in my home, live the way I feel comfortable with, and no one will be unhappy at the way I behave.
Yuan Wen, 55, Shanghai
Obviously there are very different living standards between Shanghai and the countryside in Jiangxi Province. It's normal for Shanghai families to have four dishes at most meals but country people only do this during the Spring Festival dinner. People from these different regions don't mix because they can't put up with the other's lifestyle for a lifetime. I'm quite determined not to let my child marry a non-local.
Non-Shanghainese men work very hard in the city and get married with the backing of their parents. Men from the countryside lead a more comfortable life in Shanghai but their families have to live in less-developed areas. When these men bring their parents to their homes in the city, there will often be arguments between Shanghai wives and their in-laws.
Country parents would never condone the spending habits of the city couple, for example, -they would think it was wasteful. It is very common to see arguments between spendthrift wives and stingy in-laws.
