He is currently handling a divorce case for a German man and a Chinese woman. The husband wants their child to accept local Chinese education, while the woman wants their child to go to international schools and receive higher education in German. The conflicts over their child's education grew over time and finally led to divorce.
Shi also handled a case last month where an American husband, who does not agree with Chinese culture and politics, wanted to educate their child on his beliefs. The wife did not agree with this and the conflicts led to divorce.
Being separated for a long amount of time is also one reason for divorce.
"The foreigners in China are a very mobile group. They may have to move back to their home country or to another country, and sometimes their spouses are unwilling to follow or cannot because of visa issues. I have handled many cases where the couple has been separated for years, and their love fades away," Shi said.
According to the Southeast Business Daily report, long-time separation caused nearly 45 percent of cross-national relationships to fail in Ningbo. Most cases involved one person returning to their home country or having to go to another country for work and their spouse could not follow.
The last straw
After Chen's ex-husband confessed his past, startled as Chen was, she decided to let the past stay in the past and move their life toward the future.
However, she later realized that there was an even bigger barrier waiting for them - the deep-rooted cultural differences that exist in small things in their daily life.
The first was the conflict between Chinese and Western traditions, and the independent attitude of Westerners.
After they were married, Chen suggested that they should visit her parents. She told her husband that according to Chinese tradition, he should bring some gifts for her parents. However, he told her that in Chile it is the other way around.
Finally, Chen convinced her ex-husband to conform to the Chinese tradition, but he told her he did not have enough money with him for the gifts. Chen was angry, but like what most Chinese people do when dealing with family conflicts, she chose to bury her feelings instead of speaking up.
"Later he realized I was unhappy, and kept asking me why. I was even more upset that he seemed so immature and couldn't understand why he hurt my feelings," Chen complained.
Chen's ex-husband complained a lot when Chen's younger brother came to visit, saying that he interrupted their personal life and demanded that her brother stay somewhere else.
The little grudges add up, gradually Chen and her ex-husband started to fight more frequently. Four months later, Chen decided she could not take it anymore and demanded a divorce even though she was pregnant with their son. Chen is now a single mother, raising their son alone.
Love is a double-edged sword, it hurts men the same as women. Matthew Cuerdon, a 61-year-old American, also said that the cultural differences between Western and Asian countries broke up his marriage of 30 years with a South Korean woman.
He said many Asian cultures tend to be more passive, and this caused many misunderstandings in his marriage and led to divorce.
"My ex-wife was never direct. She always expected me to read her mind. If I had to ask, then it meant I did not love her. It was so tiring," Cuerdon said.
Western culture is very different from Asian culture, according to Cuerdon. Americans learn to be direct and not to hold back their feelings, always to say thank you and express affection to loved ones and praise each other; Americans believe you should tell the truth and not worry about "saving face," and to be independent in relationships, whether economically or emotionally.
"But those traits are not shared in Asian cultures, so after 30 years of misunderstanding each other, we lost our love," Cuerdon said.
New relationships
Cuerdon is now dating a Chinese woman. He said that her character is a lot like a Korean, such as they are not direct, some times yes means no but they expect foreigners to be direct and they expect guys to carry their handbag in public because it gives them face and they also expect guys to pay for everything.
Since he is aware of the cultural differences, he digs deeper for truth and explains to his current girlfriend why.
"I dig deeper to find out what she really means. I also help her explore her true feelings and drop face as an unnecessary barrier to true love," he said. "I make educated guesses at what the real issue is and express them to her and explain that being open is the best way to demonstrate true love."
Shi said that with the exchange between China and foreign countries becoming more frequent, cross-national marriages will become more common.
"There are more challenges in cross-national marriages but every marriage needs couples to understand and embrace each other's differences. Cross-national marriages just need a more open attitude and a bigger heart," Shi said.
