(Ecns.cn)！-It's not easy to pop the question and definitely not easy to say yes. But what's even more challenging, is to keep the spark alive and sustain a fulfilling marriage. Chances are you have heard tons of advice on relationships from the fascinating TV shows Sex and City and Rules of Engagement, telling you things you must do, and things you absolutely shouldn't do. However, before that, better make sure that you haven't jumped into a fragile marriage!
Romance can be the killer to a happy marriage. Couples addicted to romance uphold higher expectations in their married life, wishing that every day is full of freshness and surprise. Couples trapped in such marriages try to mix life with romantic love. They see candles on the dinner table, chocolates and flowers on Valentine's Day, as well as kisses by the door, but turn back to monthly bills in the mail and disagreements on daily decisions. Therefore, when it comes to the NOT SO ROMANTIC realities, they yell at and fight with each other, which endangers the fragile marriage.
Well, this is not meant to take away your dreams of a romantic marriage. Just keep in mind: romance is not all it takes to keep a perfect marriage.
Parents can't be the firemen to your marriage. This may sound ridiculous, but, there are couples who always turn to their parents for help whenever problems appear in their married life, rather than trying to solve the problems with their mates. This move actually undermines the trust between the couple. In a well-functioning marriage, your mate should be the most trusted and intimate partner with whom you're supposed to work things out. Otherwise, you marriage can be endangered by external interference from parents.
Remember, this person is the one you love, the one you want to share your life with, which means letting go of dependence on your parents.
There is no such thing as the "perfect" mate. Far too often, people get married with the belief that they can simply change the person they married, molding him or her into the "perfect" mate. They don't accept their mates as the person he/she is, which constantly brings disappointment as well as complaints in the marriage.
Tips from popular writer Renee Dietz advises couples, instead of nagging each other and trying to change your mate, change yourself. If a behavior needs to be changed, then provide support and encouragement. For example, if your husband complains about not having clean clothes, rather than complain to him, show him how to launder them.
Do not fake being sick to get attention. This happens with some sensitive wives who yearn for a non-existent sickness as they want care and attention from their busy and sometimes careless husbands. However, men find it quite annoying to comfort their spouses with a fake sickness.
Women who degenerate into lonely housewives should be alarmed. Instead, once every other week, you and your mate should both take an evening to spend time apart and with friends. This is helpful in maintaining your own identity and building your confidence.
