Children in the mix
Pang said another reason she and her ex-husband chose to live together was that they wanted to keep their 5-year-old daughter's life relatively the same and to make sure that their divorce would not have too much of a negative impact on her.
"Being able to see both of her parents at home, at least gives her a sense of normalcy," she said. "She is too little to understand that her parents have parted ways."
Living in the same space also makes parenting more seamless, and that is how Pang prefers it.
"We can both be active in her morning and bedtime rituals, such as helping her get ready for school and dropping her off and picking her up at school," she said. "It kinda works."
Pang said she and her ex-husband get along much better as roommates than they ever did as spouses, as they no longer fight as often as they used to and now focus all their love and attention on their daughter.
She has started to think that what began as a necessity has worked out better than either of them could have imagined.
"For my little daughter, having her biological father around assures her of a fatherly role as she grows up, and at the same time, her father and I do not need to suffer from our marriage," she said. "I am not sure whether we will ever want to change the way we are handling our life now."
From spouse to roomie
Pang sometimes worries about what she will tell her daughter when she starts asking questions, such as why her parents do not hold hands or kiss each other like other parents.
"I have no idea how to explain it to her," she said.
She and her ex-husband broke up quite amicably and remained friends, so they did not encounter as many challenges as other ex-couples.
Su, for example, was not so lucky. Money matters were the main bone of contention between him and his ex-wife at first. When they transitioned into roommates, they did not make it clear who paid for what, and both thought they paid more for things like insurance, electricity and so on than the other, which made neither of them happy.
It was not until they sat down and talked about their shared financial obligations that things took a turn for the better. Since Su and his ex-wife earn a similar income, they decided to split the costs 50-50.
They write down the shared costs, like the mortgage, electricity, water bill and so forth at the start of each month, and at the end of the month, after they get paid, they divide the costs down the middle and make up the difference if one pays more than the other.
It also took them some time to work out the kinks concerning roommate etiquette and lay down some ground rules. This took some getting used to for Su. For example, he was used to not washing his own dishes after he finished his meal and helping himself to whatever was in the fridge. Now, he tries to remember to wash his dishes and ask before eating what he did not buy.
"I am making an effort to be a more considerate man so that our home life could be easier and happier," he said.
Residual emotion or attachment can also pose a challenge for couples who have ended their marriage, especially when one is feeling down and the person who used to comfort you is right there in front of you.
Xia said before they knew it, she and her ex-husband fell into the old habit of holding each other when they felt sad and lonely.
Both of them regretted it afterward, but she admitted that it was not always easy. To transition from being a couple to being roommates more easily, they made a conscious effort to spend more time outside of their shared space.
"Gradually, as the saying goes, 'time heals all wounds.' We are now completely comfortable taking the other simply as roommates," she said.
Having lived with her ex-husband for several months after their divorce, Pang said exes who make a similar choice can enjoy a comfortable life after divorce quicker if they put contemplating who gives and gains more aside and help each other transition after their divorce.
"Do not hold the same expectations for your new roomies," she said. "They are no longer your husbands or wives. So, instead of being critical, give each other room to pursue an independent life. In this way, it is likely that an unworkable marriage can turn into a workable divorce."
