Love or money? A thoroughly modern dilemma

(Ecns.cn)--As is said, finances can split an otherwise healthy partnership in two. A survey by the China Youth Daily last week found that 91.9 percent of nearly 1,000 respondents believe that nowadays many young people have been blinded by money in their handling of family relationships.

In early February, Hua (alias), a young man working in Dongguan, Guangdong Province, made the news by refusing to meet with his father, who came a great distance to see him.

Chen Ming, a reporter with the Guangzhou Daily, explained that Hua "had a serious inferiority complex" and felt rather ashamed of confronting his father. He had vowed to make a fortune in Guangdong, but was still living just hand-to-mouth after nearly two years of struggle.

A humble bank balance, it was reported, did not allow Hua to return to his hometown during traditional Chinese New Year, so his father decided to look Hua up, only to find his boy proffering various excuses to avoid meeting him.

After staying in Dongguan for a couple of days, the father eventually ran out of money and went back home disappointed. "Going to the cities to make big money shouldn't be the only purpose driving the young," the old man said, "it is more important to be a person with a conscience. Those who treat their parents like this will sooner or later be deserted by their friends and relatives, no matter how rich they are."

Chen Ming pointed out that Hua is not alone in this regard.

These young people, Chen continued, are likely to go extremes and earn money by hook or by crook, though few of them would admit to evildoings, citing cases where, "In order to save face, they wear suits when returning their hometowns and sometimes arrive in rental cars," he said.

As the comparing and competing phenomenon takes hold, people invest heavily in vying with each other.

Reflecting on young people who chose not to return home because they are hard up for money, 56.8 percent of web users surveyed confessed their sympathy, adding that the young generation is facing tremendous pressure; yet 49.4 percent hold the opposite opinion, explaining that "family is much more important than money."

Writer Chen Cang has surmised that besides financial straits, relationships between the young and their other family members also play an important role in blocking kids from turning homeward.

According to the survey, 81.7 percent respondents blame "a society that attaches too much importance to material wealth" for estranging parents and their children; 90.8 percent put the blame on "utilitarianism" and 72.5 percent on "measures of success."

Ren Baoju, an associate professor at the Beijing Oriental Morality Institute, noted that contemporary society usually takes money as the standard for happiness and well-being, which produces misguided young adults.

Yet, Wang Xudong, a resident of Shanghai, argued that though love and family relationships should not be constrained by money, money indeed plays a key role in society, without which much of the world would not go round.

At this, Zhao Shilin, professor at the Minzu University of China, asserted that education should take partial responsibility for the distortion of values, and that the mass media has also led the public astray by spreading vulgar content.

Zhao added that the problem should be solved by legal, moral and educational means—promoting social equality, cracking down on economic crimes; improving moral education and training in traditional culture would all promote a healthier outlook on life.

When asked what are the criteria for success, 70.9 percent web users placed "a happy family" in first place; "realization of dreams" was the top candidate for 69.2 percent, "contributions to society" headed the list for 58.5 percent, and "culture and morality" were number one for 57.2 percent. Only about 36.6 percent and 27.2 percent respectively chose money and power as the crowning achievement.

Chen Cang commented that these figures suggest young people are becoming more mature by practicing self-reflection.

Chen quoted Ralph Waldo Emerson in defining "success" as follows:

"To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded."