Show respect for the bereaved

A Shanghai woman surnamed Zhou, experienced the death of her mother last month and in keeping with Chinese tradition she chose to wear a black armband for several weeks as a sign of respect.

And it was during this period that she attended a high school reunion with classmates who she hadn't seen in more than 40 years. The old pals arranged to meet at the Harvest Festival restaurant in downtown's Yuyuan Garden area on October 20.

But when Zhao arrived she was asked to remove the armband by a receptionist who said the restaurant had a policy of not allowing guests to wear them. Zhou was taken aback and seriously considered leaving, but was persuaded to stay by friends. So she took the armband off. Also dining in the restaurant that day was a party of people celebrating the 100-day point after a baby's birth.

"It's not as if we were having a wake for a funeral," Zhou told the Youth Daily. "And it's not as if the two parties would really come into contact with each other. This incident made me very unhappy and is still affecting me."

Zhou confirmed to the Youth Daily reporter that the two parties were held in separate rooms.

The reasons behind the restaurant's decision to ban people wearing armbands are not hard to fathom if you understand a little about Chinese traditions and particularly superstitions concerning death.

For many Chinese people, even coming into contact with someone who has been recently bereaved is something to be avoided because it is felt that the bereaved's "misfortune" might also rub off on them in some way. This is why when a family member dies in China, they will stop visiting their neighbors' homes in order to spare them such feelings of discomfort.

And for the same reason, public businesses are sensitive about offending their clients.

But I can understand the feelings of Zhou who felt discriminated against by restaurant staff. She also felt that by being made to remove the armband she was offending the memory of her mother.

The restaurant, however, put the feelings of other guests above hers. I think the fault lies with the management. They should have allowed her to wear the armband, but reminded her to be discreet about her movements in the restaurant in order to avoid upsetting other guests.

After all she is a paying customer, and deserves the same courtesy and treatment as anyone else.

By Du Qiongfang