Elderly gay men shrug off guilt after life of denial(2)

It wasn't till 1997 that China abolished the charge of hooliganism, effectively decriminalizing homosexuality. And Xiao found love later in life. In 2006, at the age of 67, Xiao met his boyfriend, then 31, in a park. The couple has been together for eight years now but Xiao said he has no intention of getting married.

"I am very pleased to see the society became more open and people's attitudes toward gay people is changing," Xiao said. "But I have to take my family's feelings into consideration."

Last year, a documentary exploring the lives of lesbian and gay people in China came out. As one of the subjects, Xiao shared a painful chapter in his life with the audience.

"For 58 years, I didn't know what I was. I thought I was a freak or a monster," he said. "It wasn't till now that I finally found out that I am nothing but a normal person. And there are a lot of people like me out there."

However, his mother could not understand him. She refused to have him hold her hand while she was dying.

"I begged for forgiveness, I told her there is nothing I can do in this life," he said with tears streaming from his eyes.

Pressure to marry

Even though "hooliganism" charges were relatively rare, there were many other negative factors preventing gay people from having a same-sex relationship. Many of them got married to opposite-sex partners after they hit 30, thanks to intense social pressure.

On the surface, it all looks good. They got married, have children and then grandchildren. But there is unbearable hidden loneliness waiting to be healed. Many of them do not come out to their family, but from time to time they sneak out to have unprotected encounters in public toilets and parks.

China has reported an increasing number of elderly men living with HIV/AIDS. The number of HIV-positive men aged over 60 was about 8.9 percent of the country's total population of HIV positive people in 2010, compared to only 2.2 percent in 2005, according to the Chinese Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

That is where volunteers like 70-year-old Zhang Ruihe step in. Zhang is the oldest volunteer for local lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) community in Xi'an, Shaanxi Province for nine years. He helps to hand out literature on AIDS prevention, runs a hotline for homosexual people, and counsels elderly gay men at popular hot spots like bathhouses, parks, and bars on how to practice safe sex.

"For a generation that has been self-denying and tamping down their desires for so long, many of them make the most of their later years. They want to have as many gay friends as possible," Zhang told the Global Times.

"So I tell them, it is ok to have fun, but always do it safely," he continued.

Zhang did not join the LGBT community till he retired at 60. He said he felt like there had been a huge part missing in his life for the past 40 years. He came out to his wife five years ago.

One day she asked if he was gay. He said yes. And then she asked why he stayed married to her. He told her he was not going to abandon the family just because he likes guys.

"I also used the opportunity to tell her homosexuality is not a disease but a lifestyle, it is just like some people are left-handed, and some are right-handed," he said.

Coming out and making new friends took 20 years off his age, Zhang said. However, he has not come out to his two children.