Learning to be lovers

More than 30 young men have given up their Sunday afternoon to attend a seminar in Shanghai. They sit there paying very close attention to the speaker, a 27-year-old Shanghai man, Huang Yinqing.

If there is one thing that they share in common, it is that most are in their 20s and look timid and nervous. Most have a background in science or engineering.

Huang stands in front of the room with a whiteboard behind him. He has promised to give these men the secrets of picking up women. He speaks confidently and checks with the memos he has written on the whiteboard. Many of the audience are taking notes.

"Why do I suggest buying 21:30 movie tickets when the 20:30 time slot is available?" he asks his audience. Later he explains his methodology to the Global Times. "Most of these students are great at working out equations but suck with women. So we teach them how to get women as if it was an equation. We have our own formulas."

Hopelessly awkward

Huang looks and acts like a natural born charmer. Good looking, sporting a pony tail and a ready sense of humor, it would seem as though he would never have had any trouble talking to women let alone arranging dates. But he says just four years ago he was hopelessly awkward with women.

His life changed when he watched a television show featuring the Canadian television pickup guru Mystery. The Pickup Artist series showed how Mystery's theories of approaching, attracting, and seducing women could be put to practice. Huang watched and rewatched the show, taking notes and learning the concepts. In 2010 Huang began putting the theories to practice, prowling bars and clubs and then writing field reports on paoxue.com, a Chinese-language social networking site. After practice came perfection - it seemed he hardly missed and every girl he targeted succumbed.

In 2011, Huang quit a respectable job at a major insurance company and began working fulltime as a pickup master. Using Mystery as a role model, Huang set up a venue for his organization - a spacious apartment on the 18th floor of a residential building. Since 2012 this is where he has staged his free monthly seminars to "help students or newly employed without much money."

If the seminar appeals, patrons can go on to take the six-month training program which costs 8,600 yuan ($1,400). The core subjects are covered over the first two months with students learning theory from Monday to Thursday and then having Friday and Saturday nights to spend on field work - heading out to clubs and bars to try out their theories. The course accentuates the "three Cs" for successful approaches to women - effective communication, making women feel comfortable and connecting. The students learn to play their cards carefully, gradually escalating their emotional and physical responses as they talk.

Huang says his program is a long-term program as opposed to pickup trainers from Beijing, Guangzhou, Chengdu and Wuhan, who recruit four or five students online at a time, fly to Shanghai over a weekend to throw seminars in rented venues, and charge 8,000 yuan. "I see my training program as surgery - it takes time to trace the problems, fix them one by one, and wait for the recovery. I have got to know hundreds of people over the years, and on average it takes them six months starting at ground zero before they will find a girlfriend."

Careful assessments

Huang stresses the importance of carefully assessing applicants for his programs - some men just want to use the knowledge and skills they learn to sleep around. In the early days one of his students was accused of rape.

"I have to prevent terrible things like this happening again so I make it a rule that we do telephone and face-to-face interviews. On average about 20 people come to consult me every month and around 70 percent want to enroll. But of this 70 percent I only accept two."

Usually the rejects are the "desperate and horny ones." Huang reckons he has become an expert in assessing potential students. He looks for people who will follow his instructions and are prepared to overhaul their lifestyles and identities. One applicant was keen at first but became overly concerned when he had to talk about cases and practice routines. Huang gave the man his money back.

Huang's business partner is Liu Yafang, who is also his girlfriend. Tanned, petite and athletic, she has been with Huang for two years - the consequence of a random encounter on a street.

And it wasn't even Huang who asked for her phone number. "He was coaching two other guys, but we got to see each other again," Liu said. "After we got together he told me he was a pickup artist. I searched this on the Internet and thought it was pretty good."

This was nothing like the reactions Huang had from other women he dated. While most accepted what he did, none were supportive of his work. But Liu so liked what Huang was doing that she joined him to become a pickup tutor. She now spends her spare time when she is not working for an international trading company coaching students and acting as their "wingman."

"I might be the only female pickup trainer in China. In fact the students, who are mostly men, prefer having women tutors," Liu said. "After all, this course is about teaching men how to understand women and it is a lot more convincing when a woman tells them what is really on the minds of women."

Liu has guided 28 students through the six-month program and over 1,000 through seminars and summits - including a few women. She sees the differences clearly.

Men are spoilers

"Chinese men rarely take the initiative these days. They generally lack minds of their own and tend to spoil their love interests. As Chinese society grows increasingly feminist, it's time for our men to be real men - they should put the emphasis on their own careers and interests instead of constantly thinking about and spending time with their dates or girlfriends. On the other hand, Chinese women are way too picky and ought to lower their standards," said Liu.

She also finds both men and women are too lazy in their approaches to dating. While the men are too lazy to trim and prim themselves, the women are also too lazy to exercise and keep fit. "Everyone should make an effort to work on themselves first. A successful life, including romance of course, is a byproduct of striving for perfection."

Huang's organization has coached thousands of people from all over China as well as young men from North America, North Europe, and Australia. One Norwegian IT worker named Dan came to China in 2011 but found picking up girls here impossible even though he had no trouble with women in the US.

Huang came to the rescue advising Dan to get rid of his baggy pants and wear closer fitting clothes because most Chinese girls preferred "a smart look." Huang advised Dan not to try flirting immediately but talk about culturally-related topics and to take physical approaches more slowly. Dan now lives in Xi'an with a Chinese girlfriend who has been with him for a long time.

His oldest student was Jonathan, a Shanghai man in his mid-40s. After his wife committed suicide, Jonathan stayed away from women for more than three years, losing his social skills in the meantime. Huang pushed him into starting conversations with women and trying different social activities. Jonathan gradually lost his shyness and has subsequently remarried.

Software engineer Edward and other students have reported they have become much more confident, open, and relaxed as a result of the program, but it doesn't work for all. Cai, a slim, tall, reserved designer has been described as "the worst student" the program ever had. "I am just too nervous and my voice keeps quavering when I talk to girls," Cai said. "And honestly this has not changed much despite the program."

Huang cheerfully acknowledges that every girl is different but is confident that his methods work. He said girls are mostly unaware that they are the subjects of "tried and tested" chat-up lines - they just fall for them anyway. He said that more than 60 percent of men who have completed his program are now in committed relationships.

Suspicion not passion

But for some the slick professional approach of a pickup artist breeds suspicion not passion. One Shanghai woman, who prefers to remain anonymous, was approached by one of these men. Initially very impressed with his conversational skills and relaxed attitude, she went on a few dates and was enchanted with his chat, his generosity and playful gestures. But then she began to experience other feelings.

"I found myself thinking that to be able to do this so effortlessly meant he had rehearsed this beforehand. It soon became obvious to me that I was just another girl in a tired old seduction script. I found this artful and lame - the flattery, the responses that came too quickly and smoothly to be genuine, well-rehearsed wingmen, white lies - they certainly had an effect but at the same time made me very uncomfortable and insecure. It didn't work for me."

She said she might have fallen in love with him if he had not proved to be such a Casanova. "It was too late when I discovered he was actually deep and thoughtful. What's the point of hanging out with the pickup community and turning into someone so sleazy and fake? I am not saying he missed anything, but it was those so-called techniques he learnt and used that killed any feelings in my heart."

Another girl using the ID Emily echoed this on Tianya Club, a most popular Internet forum in the country. "I think the pickup programs are just something to make money from nerds and geeks. Women are not stupid - they evaluate the basic package, the character, and sincerity of a man and not his silly jokes and fibs. Women ought to be careful not to be added to a pickup man's collection."

Adventures ahead

Despite some doubting voices, Huang is happy with what he is doing. He now wants to open a small restaurant-cum-classroom. "I picture it as a two-story restaurant where my students can invite women for dinner for a first date," he explained. "As they dine on the first floor, I watch. After the date, my students can come upstairs and I will give them notes on how they performed."

It might signal a change in direction for the pickup artist. Huang is planning to start a family with Liu soon and he might have to step away from some of his activities. "After marriage and kids, it might be no longer appropriate to go to night clubs. I guess I will just be teaching theory then."

"It's okay," Liu interjected. "We can take the baby with us to the night clubs."