The elderly now backbone of childcare in China(2)

Homesickness, depression

Homesickness is a curse for Zheng Fuyan. The 52-year-old takes care of her granddaughter in Changchun, the capital of Jilin province, while her husband, who is still eight years away from retirement, remains in their hometown of Ji'an, about seven hours away by road.

Her son-in-law's parents are in a similar predicament, so the two groups of parents decided to split the duties, with the grandmothers alternating for three-month spells in Changchun.

"I've never been separated from my husband before, and every time I go home I find he's much thinner. He's in poor health, and knows nothing about cooking." Zheng said.

"I hadn't expected it would be so difficult to take care of a kid nowadays. There are so many requirements: learning how to clean the feeding bottle; sterilizing; the proportions of milk powder and water; the correct way to hold the kid; and doing everything according to a timetable. My daughter often becomes angry with me over trivial matters," she added.

Afraid that her granddaughter may wet the bed or kick off her blankets, Zheng gets up three or four times a night, as does her daughter's mother-in-law. Both women now have mild depression.

"I look much older than before," Zheng said.

As frictions escalated and health problems arose, the four grandparents decided to provide the money to hire a nanny, but, fearing that a nanny might abuse the baby, their children refused the offer.

The expectations heaped on grandparents such as Zheng have resulted in a growing number of older people attending psychological clinics. Zhang, of Beijing Normal University, urged that greater attention be paid to older people's psychological health.

"Young people should refer to older family members when making family decisions, and also help them cultivate new interests and friends," he said, adding that community activities can provide good platforms to help older people assimilate.

Family friction

The problems facing older people aren't just related to health and loneliness, though. Financial disputes and a clash of lifestyles have resulted in Geng Yuchun, a farmer from Anyang, Henan province, living apart from his wife.

Both sets of grandparents helped Geng's son and daughter-in-law buy a 50-square-meter apartment in Beijing in 2009. Geng, 64, and his wife moved in with the young couple, but when their grandchild was born in 2010, the apartment was too cramped to accommodate five people.

Initially, Geng's son rented a room for his father for 1,200 yuan ($195) a month, but this year the rent has jumped to 1,700 yuan.

The young couple's combined monthly income is 17,000 yuan, meaning that once they'd paid the mortgage, tuition fees, living expenses, and the room rental, their bank account was empty.

"To save money, I moved back in with my son and my wife went back to our village. My daughter-in-law is a city girl and doesn't like my wife. She thinks we're dirty, so she never eats at home. She and my son often quarrel about how to raise the kid and about education. Last year, it was so bad that they were like strangers and didn't talk with each other," Geng said.

"The older people in our building are very friendly, but because I can't speak Mandarin, just my local dialect, they just nod or say a few words when we meet. I really miss chatting with my neighbors in our village," he said.

Lifestyle is also an issue. Geng has found it hard to change his old habits. To conserve water, he doesn't flush the toilet every time he uses it, which infuriates his daughter-in-law, who slams the bathroom door to show her anger and disapproval.

In addition to the other problems, Geng has a number of health complaints, including high blood pressure, diabetes and arthritis, and, like a lot of elderly people, he finds it hard to pay the treatment costs.

"I don't have a fatal disease, but I'm not in the best of health, either. I buy medicine when I really can't stand the pain, but I never tell my son," he said.

More concerns

Li Jihua, 66, a retired teacher from Zibo, Shandong province, looks after her grandson in Beijing. She's made several new friends, but is annoyed that she doesn't enjoy the same rights as elderly people from Beijing. "It's not fair that I have to pay to use the bus or go to the park. Retired locals don't have to do that," she said.

Even worse, Li has to visit Zibo several times a year to qualify for medical insurance, and to ensure that she continues to receive her pension she has to visit her local bank regularly to prove she is still alive.

Ma Fengzhi, associate professor of sociology at Peking University, said the problems faced by "old newcomers" are the result of regional differences in what should be a national system.

"The most obvious example is that elderly people can't enjoy medical insurance when they are away from their registered residences. Without changing their hukou (household registration), they can't feel at ease in their new cities," she said, adding that the government needs to consider these issues when formulating age-related policies, and mobilize public and private forces to establish and improve the social care system.

Exiled in Shenzhen, Chen Zhijuan says she wants to devote the rest of her life to herself, not other people: "I don't want to end up useless and worn out. I want to be fit and active so I can enjoy seeing my granddaughter grow up."