Looser family planning causing jealousy between siblings(2)

"Sometimes their school grades will drop, or they will even show violent behavior toward the new baby or their classmates and their parents, which could lead to psychological problems such as violent habits carrying over into their adult lives," Chen said.

According to an August report by sina.com, a 14-year-old boy named Taotao, from Xi'an, Shaanxi Province, fatally attacked his 1-year-old little sister with an axe, saying he didn't have any regrets because he hated his parents for giving all their love to his sister.

Other children react in different ways. Instead of violence, some children become repressed, Chen said, while others can seemingly become more mature.

After his parents adopted a baby out of compassion, 12-year-old Li Hanbo turned from a naughty boy with a poor academic performance to someone with higher achievements at school, who gets along better with people around him.

At first his parents were thrilled by his change, as they thought he had finally grown up and learned to shoulder more responsibilities. However, they gradually discovered that their boy was not happy anymore, and he barely laughed or became excited about anything, and he didn't have any friends, which made them worried.

"The reason why my parents would adopt a baby must be because I am not good enough, they are disappointed in me, so I must be good at everything now," Li said in a telephone interview with Metropolitan. "My own parents don't even love me, so how can I deserve any friends?" Li said.

"Li only appears to be perfect so that he can please everyone around him, deep down he is insecure and anxious. It is actually a form of repressive personality," Chen said, adding that people with repressive personalities are more prone to psychological problems such as depression when they grow up.

Parenting required

Firstborn syndrome is mostly due to the tendency of parents to spoil their children, as well as poor communication, Chen said.

Parents need to encourage their children to be more involved with social activities to help them become more independent, so their children have lives that aren't totally focused on their parents. This can help ensure they don't feel a big psychological gap when the new baby comes, Chen suggested.

It helps if parents ask for the firstborn's permission before they decide to have another child, so the firstborn child won't feel like they have been neglected, said Sun Hao, a psychiatrist based in Beijing.

The parents need to talk to their firstborn candidly about why they want to have another child, according to Sun. "You can tell your child that you don't want them to grow up alone, you want them to have a best friend," Sun suggested.

A lot of young parents are only children themselves and they don't have the experience of growing up with a sibling, so deep down they are afraid that they might neglect one of the children. "Parents need to deal with their fears first, so that the emotions don't affect their child," Sun said.

After the new baby comes, parents need to remember to have some alone time with just the older child. "It is important for the firstborn to know that although your time is more limited, but you are still willing to spend some alone time with them, so they won't feel like they are being left in the shadows," Chen said.

Parents could also give the firstborn child some responsibility for looking after the new baby, even if they are too small to be of any help, because it is still important for them to be involved, Chen suggested. "That will not only help the firstborn to form a healthy bond with the new baby and the parents, it can also help the firstborn develop good leadership skills and valuable independence," Chen said.

Those are all precautionary measures. If parents discover the firstborn is showing symptoms of firstborn syndrome, then they need to talk to the child immediately, and ask if something they did made the child feel uncomfortable, according to Sun. "The children may reject connecting with parents at first, but things will get better as the parents keep trying, and show their care with actions," Sun said.

As for quarrels between the children, as long as they don't actually hurt each other, parents shouldn't interfere. "Parents should just let things play out by themselves, that way one of the children won't feel unfairly treated, and it can improve their ability to solve problems independently," Sun said.

After spending a year to help Beibei understand that her parents still love her as they did before, Beibei has now embraced her little brother. "She is happy now, and she loves to play and look after her little brother, I am so glad I got my sweet little girl back," Beibei's mother Pang said.