Separation anxiety for seniors as holiday ends

Many Chinese elderly are having a hard time as Lunar New Year celebrations end on Thursday and their grown-up children start another busy year of work, leaving them lonely.

In a pair of tragedies reported last week, two elderly women in Nanjing, capital of east China's Jiangsu Province, committed suicide out of solitude and despair shortly after their children went back to their own homes following a week of big family gatherings.

Both women were widows aged over 80. In a situation typical of the migrant labor economy in China, they lived alone most time of the year. The solitude became unbearable after a week of festivities and a short, teasing period of normal family life.

Experts have warned that elderly people, particularly the widowed, are vulnerable to separation anxiety and post-holiday blues when their grown-up children leave home.

Zhang Chun, a specialist on psychological crisis intervention in Nanjing, said young people should visit or at least call their elderly parents more often. "The elderly tend to feel depressed after the holiday, so we must not leave them in solitude and isolation."

Thursday, the 15th day of the Chinese Year of the Ram, is the Lantern Festival, traditionally taken as the end of Chinese Lunar New Year celebrations.

While the majority of the working population went back to their jobs on Feb. 25, those who have ventured to take a longer holiday will have to start working again on Friday.

The end of the festivities is the beginning of agony for many lonely elderly, who in their younger days used to live in big families and take care of their parents and in-laws. In a fast-paced society, however, Chinese family patterns have changed drastically, from the once-common situation of four generations living under one roof to smaller families with just the young couple and a kid.

"The cure to the old people's agony lies in their children," said Zhao Yueling, deputy chief of the Henan provincial institute of psychological health, "because the elderly need family love and company more than anything else."

She said the perfect cure for seniors' separation anxiety was for the younger generation to spend more time with them. "Do not leave them alone for too long."

Shi Guofa, 84, insisted he did not miss his son and three daughters. "They all live in the same city, not too far from where I live."

A retiree from the agricultural science institute of Zhengzhou, capital of central China's Henan Province, Shi is healthy and cheerful. "I don't want to keep the children at my side. They all have jobs to do and families to care for. The oldest is already 54."

But his wife, Shen Shuxiang, said he was lying about not missing the children.

"At least a week before the Lunar New Year's Eve, he had prepared the traditional festive cash gifts for each of the grandchildren," said Shen, 78. "He was obviously looking forward to the annual family gatherings."

The elderly couple were not sure if any of their children or grandchildren would come for dinner on Thursday night. But they made 200 glutinous rice balls, the traditional snack for the Lantern Festival.

The two of them together can eat no more than 10. "But what if all the children come for dinner?" asked Shen.

Li Tianrun, 82, is certain no one is coming for dinner. He lives in Zhengzhou with his wife. The couple have three sons and five daughters, but none of them lives in the same city. "They were all home for the Lunar New Year, stayed for a week and left in a hurry. They won't be back until next year."

The Ministry of Civil Affairs believes that more than half of Chinese families consist of empty-nesters, meaning seniors who live alone without children around.

The ministry estimates the number of empty-nesters aged over 65 will top 51 million by the end of this year. Nearly 10 percent of them are widowed.

Liu Shumei, 86, lived alone for many years after her husband died. Two years ago, she received heart surgery, after which she decided to live with her seven grown-up children in turn, staying with one family member for a month before moving to the next.

"With children around, it's like family again. Otherwise it's just a house," she said.

The well-being of empty-nesters has aroused widespread concern from the lawmakers and advisors gathered in Beijing for China's annual "two sessions" political meetings. Many have proposed improving empty-nesters' quality of life by raising special funds to provide for their needs and by designating a Seniors' Day public holiday, as an opportunity for children and volunteers to keep empty-nesters company.