Can casual flirting help employees get ahead in the workplace?(2)

Advocates say that platonic flirting can be an effective way of establishing rapport with colleagues. (Photo: GT/Li Hao)

Risks and rewards

"I think [flirting] can be a good skill for women to master in the workplace. It can help establish closer relationships, although of course it's essential that you are actually qualified for your job as well," said Mi, adding that not only was it impossible to "flirt your way to the top," but also "despicable and shameful."

Nevertheless, the use of flirtation by women to get ahead in the workplace has been chided by some, according to a 2010 NBC News report. The report noted that critics viewed such tactics as "diminish[ing] their talent and intelligence" when employed by women, while risking accusations of sexual harassment when utilized by men.

But a number of experts also came to its defense.

"Using flirtation is just smart," said Nicole Williams, author of Girl on Top: Your Guide to Turning Dating Rules into Career Success, to NBC News. "If you need someone's help, use the tools available to you. It's naive to think it has no place at work."

Shawn Graham, author of Courting Your Career: Match Yourself with the Perfect Job also spoke in favor of workplace flirtation in the report, although not without reservations. He said that it was a risky strategy, and that it could result in being perceived as the "office flirt." Those who did employ flirtation should take care that interactions remained totally platonic, and that it was not confused for actual romantic interest.

"[Bearing these things in mind], platonic flirtation can be a great way to build relationships and rapport with coworkers," said Graham.

According to Mi, many women in her company have adopted flirtation as part of their workplace arsenal. However, she said that perhaps "flirting" was perhaps too strong a term for it, as it was never sexual in nature, and underpinned by mutual respect and professional boundaries.

"People say that the workplace is like a battle field," said Mi. "I view office flirtation as a kind of psychological warfare and a honey-trap in this battle field."

Avoiding scandal

In order to avoid making coworkers feel uncomfortable or facing accusations of harassment and scandal, Li suggested firstly, that workplace flirtation should be done in the presence of many colleagues, and secondly, that it was better to flirt with workmates who are on the same rung of the office hierarchy rather than superiors or subordinates.

"If you only flirt with one person, it may be perceived as sexual harassment," said Li. "Flirting with your superiors may lead to the impression that you're using underhanded tactics to get ahead, and flirting with subordinates may be construed as an abuse of power."

As a self-proclaimed "flirting master," Liu said he knows very well where the boundaries are, and when to back off.

"Flirting is really a useful strategy in the office, but there are also risks," said Liu. "If you make people feel uncomfortable or the atmosphere begins to get weird and intense, you should back off."

Liu said that he once tried flirting with a new employee, but that his attentions were unwanted. "It was almost lunch time and I touched her hand lightly, and invited her to lunch. But she did not agree instantly, saying that she was not hungry," said Liu. "I saw hesitation and a bit of panic in her eyes, so as naturally as I could, I said 'that's okay' and left."

Li Jianzhong, a psychologist based in Beijing, said that the difference between platonic workplace flirting and pursuit of a romantic relationship was what one expected out of the respective interactions.

"For example, you can jokingly flirt with other workmates by saying 'I care about you so much, why don't you care more about me' after doing a favor for someone to make the atmosphere lighter," said Li Jianzhong.

"But you can't reasonably expect that this will lead to anything, emotionally or romantically."